Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Full of questions? Death? What if? #CHD

This is one of those blog posts that I am writing undecided whether to post it or not....I write a lot of these posts.....It seems therapeutic to just get the words out in front of me....Sometimes it doesn't matter if they are read by anyone. Getting them out seems to help.....

This was written in September 2016 just after Becky's 14th birthday and I have just noticed it in my draft posts....This is the only bit I have added/altered so it makes sense and you know it's an old post.....


It dawned on me today that Becky could have been dead by now.....

Over Seven years ago when my girls were diagnosed with their heart problems the doctors, consultants and surgeons said that without surgery my girls would have been dead by their teenage years.....

Becky has just turned 14.....Fourteen is into the teenage years....What do medical professionals class as teenage years? I count it anywhere from 13 until they turn 20.

I am always left wondering what if? What would have happened if Becky's heart defect wasn't discovered? It was only discovered because Ellie jammed her fingers in a door. Her defect was found first and then we discovered Becky had a hole in her heart too....

The doctors said her heart would have just stopped....When? Would she had died in her sleep? When she was scootering to or from school? In P.E? Sat next to me watching TV. Would she have been in pain or felt nothing?

Now with the surgery there will be no dropping down dead but I can't help think what if?

Becky is the oldest of my girls...If she had died would they had looked into why she died and then checked Ellie out or would it have just been one of those things and left Ellie to suffer the same fate too.....

It was the worst time of my life taking my girls to have their open heart surgery and the time I spent with them in hospital but I am glad I went through it because it means my girls are still here with me now.....

Every time we visit the hospitals for check ups I panic in the time coming up to the appointment and during it....I think my girls are fit and well but the doubt is always there.....Before Ellie jammed her fingers in the door which lead to the discovery of my girls heart defects I thought they were fit and well.....They weren't. They were a ticking time bomb and without surgery they could have been dead by now....


14 comments :

  1. Aww such a sad post and thoughts Kim :( Best to try not to think of things like this or it will upset you.

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    1. I try not to think about the what if's as much now but when I saw it in my drafts it was like a punch in the stomach. Thank you x

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  2. One of the biggest things parents would worry are our children. They are such a sweetie that you would want to protect them forever. It is sad to hear that but at least they are in good care!

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  3. Hi Kim, it is good to get things out and even better to share them so other people become aware of things like this. My husband lost two cousins to heart problems, one was fifteen and just dropped during a PE lesson and the other one was nineteen and was showering after a game of hockey. Even though they were related by blood, it turned out that both girls had undetected and totally different heart problems. It was a very sad time and played on my mind when I had children.

    Your girls could have been dead by now, but luck was on your side and you will get to see your girls grow up and do all the things they should be doing and probably a few things they shouldn't too. I can imagine how the reality of the 'what ifs'strikes as your girls reach their teens, it must really bring it home.

    Sending you a huge virtual hug! And thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    XX

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    1. There is so many undetected heart conditions. It is so sad. So sorry about your husbands cousins. I saw something the other day and the son of Sir David Frost was on and his brother had just dropped down dead from a unknown heart condition.
      Thank you x

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  4. So scary to think of all the what-ifs isn't it? Thank goodness Ellie got her fingers jammed in the door and your girls' heart conditions got picked up. Knowing how different things could have been certainly must make you appreciate being able to see them grow up all the more x

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    1. It really is. There are just too many what if's when it comes to heart conditions. Thank you x

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    2. Thanks for sharing this with #hearttoheartlinky x

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  5. I really empathise with you on this. I was so scared when son1 was diagnosed with leukaemia and even though it is nearly 11 months since he finished chemo, that "what if he relapses" thought will always be there at the back of my mind. Plus my other half's youngest brother died age 19 from unexplained cause, so we have no idea if that could be genetic

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    1. Oh gosh! I always think of things like leukaemia so much worse than what we've been through. Sending love and hugs. I hope your son stays fit and well. x

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  6. I can see how the what-ifs would be lurking round the corner to unsettle you. It must have been such a shock and ordeal. Thank goodness they are fine. You must be one of the few mothers that is pleased that her daughter jammed her finger in a door!

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  7. I'm so glad they caught it as we know of people who've had undetected heart conditions that haven't been picked up until it was too late. Sending hugs to you and yours

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  8. Oh my goodness! What a horrible thing to think. It doesn't bear thinking about at all. Thank goodness Ellie trapped her fingers in the door!

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