Wednesday, 28 February 2018

I got closure. It's been a year since my mother died...

It's been over a year since my mother died.....I only realised it was the anniversary of me finding out because of the Timehop app.....We had no relationship for the last 13 or years of her life. She ran off with a man she met online....He isn't a nice man. When she left she took thousands of pounds of her and my dad's life savings....I wrote about what happened a few years ago....


I found out via a death notice online she had died and then was reminded about it via an app on my phone....Hooray for technology.

I shared the news on my personal Facebook profile last year....It was one of those things that I needed to get out....I can honestly, hand on heart say it wasn't for sympathy or attention. I found out at about 10pm at night and I had no one to talk too. Facebook was as good as place as any....


I had found out just before Christmas 2016 that my mother had cancer. Her husband had phoned the police? (I don't know why?) They got in touch with my dad and gave him a phone number to pass on to my brother and I....He made a big deal of not wanting to contact us directly....

I've had time to think don't believe for one second that she or the husband had sincere reasons for telling us the news of her cancer how they did. I feel they wanted to cause drama and a fuss. She read my blog, knew exactly where to find me on social media...Why make a big deal about announcing her cancer then not bothering to tell us she had died?

What annoyed me about the death notice....I know it is so wrong to be annoyed by an obituary but there was no mention of her children, my brother and I or her 4 grandchildren. Even though I hadn't spoken to her in over 8 years I still kept an eye on her online and she still kept up the pretence that she had children and grandchildren...If we/they were so special to her in life why not mention us....I really worry about what her and her husband told people about her past and her family....

I was told that losing my mother would "hit me" at some point but it really hasn't....I really don't think it will. I am an emotional person if it was going to get to me it would have by now...I am only writing this because her death is part of my life...

I did my crying and grieving many, many years ago when she told me I was dead to her because I wouldn't side with her over my dad when she ran away with the man she met online.....Finding out about her death was a shock...I still feel relieved, not glad she is dead but relieved that she cannot cause anymore drama or heartache for my family.....

If anything her death has made me a better person....

I have looked after my health more. I know she died from cancer but I don't know what type? I keep on top of my smear tests, check my breasts for lumps regularly and take general care of myself more than I used too....

I have made sure to be there for my girls....I am the mother to my girls that she never was to me....I make sure to take interest in their school life, hobbies and their interests. There is many a tale I could tell about my mother. Things I didn't think about as a child but now as a mother I know they were wrong....


12 comments :

  1. Ah glad you got closure lovely - I have the exact same relationship with my dad. I don't think I'll cry when he dies or there'll be any mention of us either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like you're coping well with it, and it's made you be the best you can and what you would have wanted from a mum.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry you've been put through all that. I hope life treats you and the rest of your family well from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So sorry you had to go through all that. I am glad you got closure. I am certain you are a great mom to your kids.

    #bloggersbest

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad you've come out of all this so well, it shows what a better person you are. Sadly some people are just addicted to drama and it sounds that your Mum was one of those. Thankfully we don't all turn out like our Mums xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. So sorry about Hoe awful your mum treated you, family can be the cross. You definitely sound like a loving mum to your daughters X #bloggersbest

    ReplyDelete
  7. We each deal and work through events at our own pace and in our own way

    You must feel so proud of yourself of how you handled the situation
    Many people judge without knowing the whole situation

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm sorry you've experienced that but it's good that you've been able to learn from it - taking care of your health and being there for your own family. Sending hugs

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sorry for how things panned out years ago. That sounds really tough but you have dealt with it so well and are there for your family

    ReplyDelete
  10. I remember you posting about this a year ago. I am so pleased you have been able to get closure lovely. Thanks for sharing with the #BloggersBests

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gosh, that's though, how she left your dad and then later told you that you were dead to her... Strange how some parents treat their kids, upsetting.
    I too feel there are some things about how my parents have been to me, as parents, that seem off to me now that I'm a parent myself.x #MMBC

    ReplyDelete